Happiness Is....

Happiness is knowing that for the first time in years that my friends are at my side. Happiness is being in a heartmate's arms and feeling safe and loved. Happiness is finding the joy of writing once again. Happiness is laughing more because life has become bright and beautiful once more. Happiness is....taking risks and not giving a shit if you succeed or fail because it was the taking of the risk that brings the joy.

I'm waxing poetic tonight, but there are reasons. I entered the Brava contest this weekend and I'm waiting to see who all makes the cut. *whimpers* But beyond that, today, a not-so close, but knows me friend came to me and said, "You've not only lost weight, but dammit-- you're glowing again with happiness. What's up?"

I realized that he was right. I am happy. I was close to being miserable. Things happened a bit over a week ago and I was sure I was going to lose my heartmate. But, somehow, he trusted and believed in me and....he didn't leave me. I've been waiting, you know. He cares, but he has trouble defining what 'really really likes' means, and you know me--- I take the worst case scenario. It's a fault of mine.

We talk of everything and nothing. But in his arms, I know peace. He encourages me to play. To play-- how cool is that? I haven't played sexually in so long, I almost forgot how. Last night was one of those playtimes when you sit back and go "WOW!" Sinjin turned the tables on me, but what made it good was that I was able to not only enjoy myself, but in the midst of playing I was able to make points about him and I that we both need to learn and accept. But beyond that, I got to play hard, be pushy, and let the alpha side out a bit. Yet, if I'm completely honest-- there was a moment when I conceded to him. (I'd try to deny it, but it'd be a lie. Granted I could tell it like it was the truth, but he'd bitch loudly.)

He makes me play. He makes me relax. He makes me want to write and journal the experiences we have together. My soultwin knows just how happy he makes me. I'm finally able to admit it--- Heartmate, having you in my life makes me happy. Scared happy, but happy all the same. So there.

Damn the man. LOL