I know, I know, not what you want to hear, but trust me, when it comes to dealing with change, I've become an expert. It's not easy when you're trying to be writing regularly, working the day job, having a life (I like having my male in my life), and trying to be all things to everyone. The problem is-- it's not always possible to keep things balanced. Then suddenly something happens and everything that was precariously balanced on that one point-- shatters. How do you cope with that? Hell, let's take that one step further-- how do you regain what you've lost in the change?
The honest answer is that you don't. It's not what you want to hear, but keep with me for a moment. Every day we make choices that change outcomes. When a huge change happens, it gives us a chance to sit back and reevaluate what's important to us. As most people know, after a huge fight with lung cancer-- I lost my mom, one of my greatest supporters. Before her death, I had been fighting with my own depression and rebounding back on my writing. The past 2 years have been nothing but change-- not all in a good way. Yet, I took each aspect and dealt with it. I'm not going to tell you that I succeeded in a wildly successful way--that'd be a huge lie. However, I will tell you this- I've recovered a lot of things I thought I lost the love for.
So how do you cope with changes when they suck? First- you need to take a pen and paper to make a list. The list is composed of what you MUST accomplish each week. I mean cleaning the house, going to work, spending 2 hours a night talking to your significant other or family, cooking supper, writing for 2 hours a night, etc. There is a reason for this list. I discovered this listing a long time ago and ended up forgetting how effective it works about 4 years ago when I got a new day job. Once you've made this list, you need to put in order the importance of each point-- from can't miss to can do only a couple of times a week. Why rate the things that must be done?
Simple. By showing yourself what are daily priorities, you can plan out which must be done which day. If some items are only to be done 2-3 times a week, then you can figure out which of your days is less labor intensive and place those items on those days. Sounds simplistic and a bit unrealistic, but this is only the first step. Once you've separate the importance-- take a sheet of paper, turn it sideways and draw 7 lines from top to bottom, keeping the columns fairly equal in width. Now label each day of the week at the top of the columns. Now take those daily things-- writing, job, cooking, etc-- and place them directly under the days that they MUST be done. If work is only Mon-Fri, then list it under Monday, Tuesday, etc. If your schedule is like mine-- where you get different days off each week, then put Work under all 7 days.
Once you've got the highest daily things labeled, take a look at your other components. Ask yourself-- do I have to do this alone? Can something be done by someone else in the family? Can I make it a family chore to make time go by faster on the weekends and encourage family time that way? What is the minimum amount of times this can be done and still be kept up enough for me to be comfortable with? After answering those questions, start filling in where those other must do items can best fit in your loose schedule during the week.
There. The weekly must-do's have their spot in your life and everything will take care of itself, right? No. Don't be fulled that by listing this that you're saved and changes won't rear their ugly head and make you have to readjust things. What this does is allow you to see where your give points are each week. Then you can move some things to another day. More on what I call the Weekly To Do in a moment. Once you have this list done, put it up somewhere-- your refrigerator, on your bulletin board, somewhere where you can see it and remind yourself on what MUST be done that day.
After a while, you will find that some things become automatic on those days. When I'm home on my days off-- I do more stuff online, I cook more, and I try to fit more writing time in on those hours I would've been at work. But some weeks, I've got some projects I want to finish by the end of that week...which is where the Weekly To Do comes in. Once you're comfortable with your minimum things you have to accomplish to have some sort of peace in your home, then you start this list. It's normally something I do on Saturday night or Sunday morning. It's a definitive list of what I'm doing for the week, such as for my writing time it'll say-- Finish edits on Ride Me, Baby; work on Beg; submit story to ____. Under miscellaneous it might say-- Find new doctor, make appointments for labwork and for lupus doctor. These are things I need to do for that week and are labeled to help me have focus on the week of what my goals are to accomplish.
Your main list is an outline-it's a guide for what you want to do. I've got a friend who has a detailed menu plan on what she's cooking each day for dinner. On her days off, she plans the menu for the following week, does pre-cooking, and sets up the lunches for her family. I'm not that detailed, unless there's something I'm wanting done specific. But I do make ahead meals for a day or two. If I'm browning ground beef for spaghetti, then I'll brown extra with onions and put in a container to use for tacos later in the week. If I'm making chicken, I'll cook a double batch so I can make chicken salad for lunch sandwiches. That's what your weekly to do list is-- to take the broad area of cook, clean, write and give you concrete things to do IF you're the type like me to procrastinate and wander around trying to figure out what to do. By checking off each thing on that weekly list off-- you actually handle change better.
Now, I do NOT do a Daily To Do list. I can't. Why? Because things happen every day. Sometimes what I've got planned for 5pm gets changed to 1pm due to other people. Occasionally what I want to work on, I can't because I'm waiting for edits. So, by having a broad weekly plan-- I have options other than one item. It allows me to utilize my need to flutter around without feeling too confined. I've discovered that by having this list-- even if I don't get EVERYTHING done that week, I'm happy. Normally I've got at least 75-90% accomplished. For me, that's something to celebrate because it means even when change and chaos reigns supreme on various days-- I've been able to go with the flow and make my life work with me, not against me. Change can even free you from things that you've struggled with. Remember, just because you think you have to do things-- you might not. Look at that list and ask yourself just how important to your mental, physical and emotional health are those things. If you'd benefit just as much by combining some things and doing it for a longer time, but only twice a week-- by gods do so! Remember, you're coping with change and sometimes by initiating that change-- you're setting yourself up for success. It's going to be hard at first, but in the long run-- you'll find that your center of balance has returned and you're getting more done in a week than you used to.
