Well, I've been sick. In fact, if I'm honest, I'm sick again. Gods I hope the wrong people who shouldn't read this don't see this admission-- they'll commit acts of violence on me. But it's true. My already compromised immune system is having issues again and my sinuses are starting the mamba along with the intermittent fever. My stress is higher than ever and honestly-- I'm remembering why the hell I hibernate after Samhain. *Makes note to start that hibernation practice so I can avoid stress*
On the plus side, I can say this-- I had a great Christmas/Yule. Seriously. No family, just the male in my life. Granted, I slightly freaked out on him Christmas Eve into early morning Christmas Day, but it's because I'm that kind of gal. Things go right, things feel fantastic....and I flip out, especially with my personal insecurities as they are. How bad? Let's say this-- we talked about part of them last night for 4 hours and still...I haven't told him everything. Don't think I will. Some things...some things can't be said-- not because of lack of trust but because I can't handle rejection nor the lovely phrase, "You're a great person..." I just can't.
That said, I've come to a realization. I need the cool computer pen for kids from Leap Frog Technologies. The Fly Paper pen and paper is SOOOOO something I need. I handwrite a lot when I'm at work on break, and I hate, despise, cannot deal with having to type everything up. As in-- I would rather PAY someone to do it then do it myself. (In fact, I have over 80 pages I need typed up and I'm thinking-- yeah, I just might pay someone to do it because I NEED it on the computer. *sigh*) This pen computer and the specialized notebooks are on Amazon.com and they're awesome. It converts handwriting to digitized text and saves as a text file. Which means I can go into it once I download it on the computer and do edits directly that way and NOT have to retype EVERYTHING. How freaking cool is that? So....time to save up for the pen, the notebooks (I want at least 4 of them), the extra memory, and the extra pen ink refills. Overall, it'll run about $150 for all of that, not including tax and shipping-- but considering it means my productivity will increase tremendously-- I'm all for it.
Back to the crap that is me. People in my life have an issue-- I don't take care of myself. Yup, go figure that one out. I don't think about myself-- at least not on an active level unless I get sick, but I don't deliberately not do for myself-- I just.....forget. Worse, the absent-minded professor syndrome is alive and well in my daily life. Besides the computer pen, I need a PDA so I can keep better track of things. Hell, let's be full blown honest here-- I NEED a keeper. Someone who will remind me to take care of myself when I don't and helps me keep my life in order. Funny thing is-- I can do that for others, but for myself-- it's one of those things that gets sidetracked because I have everyone else to worry over. So, it's one reason my being sick ain't going to go over well. *sigh* It's not going to be pretty, but oh well, life goes on...and on....and hopefully, one day they'll get it-- get me a keeper and this won't happen as much.
Most people know by now that my lupus is active again. I'm unhappy about the issue, but there isn't much I can do about it except take my medication, try not to overdo anything and try to keep a sane schedule as much as possible. It's not always doable, but I can try. Of course, me forgetting to take my meds a couple times a week is NOT good, but again, see the above paragraph. I forget. It happens. I'm blonde and am getting older-- it's not easy carrying around the knowledge I have and not getting lost within it. So there! But I'm trying to keep somewhat active and try my best not to let it get the best of me. I'm considering taking FMLA for a bit to try to get better, but we'll see. I need something to get me out of this sick mess I'm still in for the past 2 months.
Right now, besides writing this blog, I'm working on a short story idea that came to me. It's definitely erotic and I'm not sure whether or not it'll go anywhere-- but honestly, I'm loving it. Why? It's different and it's definitely boundary pushing in my world...any story that starts with "Beg." has my interest. LOLOL
That said-- OMG...I have to make some serious suggestions for reading material-- one Joey Hill. If you haven't read her-- do so. I love her Zone series at Ellora's Cave but her new book, The Vampire Queen's Servant- OMG get this book ASAP. Seriously, it's not for the squeamish and those who don't want to push themselves sexually--but it is definitely a read to make you think and consider.
Also-- get Cheyenne McCray's Magic series. I've finally read the most recent book and let me tell you, I'm eagerly waiting the next installment. She also writes for Ellora's Cave and her Wonderland series is one of my ultimate favourite series. *grins*
