I was talking with a friend the other day, when the idea of "What is sexy?" came up in our conversation. Considering I write erotic romance and she's an editor of said romances, it was an interesting discussion. But more than that, it made me think on how much is physical oriented and how much is oriented otherwise- towards attributes we think are sexy.
Physical attributes are the first and foremost aspect people consider when they talk about sexy. You ask any person "What is the first thing you find sexy about a male or female?" the list is invariably physical first. There are some who have it by rote to say "humour" or some such-- but it's just that-- rote learning. Physicality is the first thing we as creatures notice-- what excites us, what piques our interest, what draws us closer. After that, come what sociologists and anthropologists called the deeper qualities-- intellect, humour, etc. In fact, there have been studies that uphold this thought process.
That said, I have to admit, sometimes I hate the physicality aspect and other times, it's okay. Today, I was walking home from the bus stop, when a car went by with a nice looking male (whom I didn't know) and he whistled at me. I laughed out loud and waved. It made me feel good inside that regardless that I have a lot of weight to lose, I could trigger a response. (We won't mention that said guy stopped the car and asked me out. That would be bragging. LOL)
Studies have even shown that beautiful women marry men who are often considered "less" attractive then them- not because of jealousy, but because they want a supportive spouse. Even more interesting is that males have a tendency to overlook their own looks and go towards those women who are considered beautiful or above their own beauty level. Yet, time and again, people will say they look for compatibility, intellect, honesty, humour when talking about what makes a person sexy. Studies have said that those aspects are often paired with the physical when we see people interact with others.
Now, I'll be the first to admit, I'm prone to the physical attractive thing-- Christian Bale, David Bowie, Jonas Armstrong, John Barrowman and the like. Though the physical attracts me, it's often in combination with a personality trait- intensity of emotions, similar abilities, intellect and more. What's funny-- I can lust for these males, but the idea of having a relationship with them doesn't necessary equate in my thinking. They're eye candy- great for the dreaming and the writing of stories, but of that above list-- only 2 truly would appeal to me beyond the quick roll in the hay. Why? Because those two appeal to me in similar areas that I'm interested in and personality-wise, I'm attracted to them. And if they were all to step towards me at the same time-- the first one I'd go to is simple- John Barrowman aka Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood. Why? Because he and I have many similar interests, he's gorgeous, and I'd be begging him to sing to me!
One of the things that often hurts in relationships is when sexy isn't perceived the same way in a relationship. For instance, I have a friend who's dating a guy who some would consider above average in looks and is very smart. Anyone who saw my friend would say that she was perhaps average looking and would judge her on her weight issues. Funny thing is, they're great together and though I know he doesn't see her weight in some ways-- he does judge it against her. I've never once heard him call her sexy or say he was attracted to her. But, I hear it out of her mouth often. I know it hurts her that he doesn't see her in that light. And honestly, it hurts me as well. Why? Because we often talk about how those personality and compatibility areas are the first aspects we look for in sexy- but reality is- physicality wins out time and again. We often talk about being accepted for who and what we are in all areas, but very rarely do you meet someone who truly believes and acts accordingly.
Sexy is a very subjective topic, though there are some characteristics in the physicality that seem to be the most common. Some of these characteristics are: waist-to-hip ratio, baby-faced aspects, large eyes, fairly symmetrical faces, and somewhat average style faces.
So, tell me-- what is sexy to you? How do you define it and do you feel you fit the definition that you've given it?
Always,
Mistress Cynnara (continue reading &aquo;)
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