Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sex Ed with Mistress Cynnara- Rough Sex

I'm sorry I've not been around lately, my health has not been great, so I've been spending many a day and night sleeping and trying to get healthy. But while doing that, I've managed to find that there are a lot of sex questions out there. Some that surprise even me, which means they're on my list to do.

Mistress Cynnara- My SO and I aren't really kinky, but we both enjoy what's commonly called "rough sex". Some of our friends think that we're freaks because we like a bit of rough play in our sex. Are we really freakish? ---- Roughing and Loving

Rough sex can be fun. From role play the fantasy of forced rape (which is never forced) to slightly aggressive "throw me against the wall and fuck me senseless" sex, rough sex is fun and exciting. Most people will tell you that they don't have rough sex all the time-- sometimes you want it soft and romantic, but every once in a while, there's something to be said for being grabbed and taken. But for men, the question becomes "How do you know when the woman wants this rougher sex and how can it be done and still show her how much I love her?"

Rough sex to women is different than rough sex for men. Rough sex for women involves a couple of elements-- being taken/captured, knowing deep inside this person wants to protect you, and knowing that you're that irresistible that they have to make you theirs. Though they're part and parcel of the same though process, there are differences. Being captured is an age old fantasy-- from the early days of erotica and other stories-- even fairytales. Women have wanted to be considered the One to a male or even to another woman. They want to be the one and only (unless they're wired for Polyamory--which is another topic for another day!) and the idea of someone risking it all to take them away from the boring, to take them away from that what represses them is exciting, entrancing and wanted.

One of the great points about rough sex is that physically, it's intense though only limited painful. Normally it consists of those moments you see upon the silver screen or even the small screen of television. The man grabs her arm, spinning her body against the wall, sliding against her, groping her breast, talking naughty to her and ripping her clothes off. At this point, most women are panting and eagerly awaiting the sexual fulfillment of that threat-- hot, rough sex where he must touch you, he must thrust himself deep within you to be sated. When it comes to intercourse, when a woman is turned on, she wants to be pounded with deep thrusts that hit not only her G-spot but throughout her vagina walls, urging her to orgasm.

But what is too rough? Too rough is when the physical aspects go from deep thrusts to pain. When you see that it's getting from the pleasure/pain threshold to pain only. When her body pulls away instead of meeting you in the throes of arousal. Too rough is when you don't follow the rules set out in the forced rape fantasy-- thus removing that element of protection and safeness from the woman. Women have fantasies of rough sex, but once you take away that basic need of being safe and protected, it goes from erotic rough sex to pain and mental anguish.

So, are you normal if you enjoy rough sex? Yes, you are. You enjoy that point where pleasure and pain mix, where the safe and the forbidden touch and where intense physicality is enjoyed when monitored and respected by both parties. Rough sex is both mental and physical in nature and both aspects have to be in balance for it to be enjoyed by both parties.

That's all for this week, and next week, we'll be touching on yet another topic dealing with hot sex, sexuality, and perhaps a bit into the psychology of what sex is all about.

Until next time-- dream hot, speak soft, and demand your orgasms!

Altijd,

Mistress Cynnara

  (continue reading &aquo;)

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