Monday, September 17, 2007

Fiction and Sexual Kink

Well, this should be interesting. I've spent the past couple of weeks doing some researching into some of my favourite topics--especially the history of sex, kinky sex, and what sells and what is lacking in the erotica area of my bookstores and online. What I've discovered has me on a mission. (Gods, now I feel like I'm quoting the Blues Brothers! LOLOL)

What is it that has me going full throttle? First-- thanks to a good friend, a story that needed telling is so being written. It's flowing and dammit, it's scary with how it's flowing. Second-- I just heard from an old author buddy of mine-- Sascha. Gods, I've missed this man. He was one of the few I could talk kinky sex and we'd have a serious (well MOSTLY serious) discussion on various aspects. Third-- I'm a bit annoyed with publishers of late. I make no secret of what I am and sometimes I'd like to read books that hit on the kink, but also manage to take a middle of the road approach. There seem to be very few-- and to me, it shows alienation of a majority of readers who might be convinced to give some kink a try in their lives.

What do I mean? Simple-- I'm a switch. This means I can either be dominate in the sexual relationship or the submissive, depending on the other person. Now, I do admit, I like being the submissive--it's easier and the satisfaction of making a dominant shudder at my pleasuring and at my obedience (or disobedience if I'm feeling a bit mischievous) is just a kicker and a half. But that said, I DO enjoy being the dominant occasionally. Who wouldn't love the idea of demanding what satisfies them and at the same time, breaking out restraints and other fun stuff? But in a lot of erotic romance literature-- you don't find anything about switches, much less fem dom. Yes, there are erotica sites that do have fem dom, but come on, even fem dommes need love too! Sheesh people! But hey, so do us switches.

I also enjoy reading about a submissive male and dom female in a relationship that has some twists and turns. Yes, that's right, I like reading about a submissive who learns that his/her dom has occasional fantasies of having the tables turned upon them. It's a trust thing, a power thing, it's a mind bending experience. But it doesn't have to be extreme. Many of the erotica books I read have close to extreme or where it's only the dominant (98% male usually) is in control.

First-- the dominant has a huge responsibility-- but he's so not in control. It's the submissive. Seriously- they call the shots on how much submission, how much domination, what is and is not acceptable. The dominant is then to work within these boundaries and though they might help push them back a bit, they do not cross past those areas. Second-- depending on if they live the lifestyle or choose it only in the bedroom-- will often define the type of dom/sub things done. Not everyone is into humiliation. Not everyone goes for the pain. Most of those who enjoy a good kink are often middle of the road.

Hell, for me, when I dominate, I can get tough, push limits, and even do some binding and whipping. But, that said, what I love doing most is denying. Yeah, that's right. Most submissives want to be told what to do, and what not to do. But when you deny them what they crave-- like touching the dominant, pleasuring her, etc....oh yeah, you can get them going and they'll agree to almost anything to get what they desire most-- to be fiercely loved and owned by their top. But give them a taste and deny them the rest-- yeah....I admit, there is something really erotic about hearing that begging tone in that way. It's not hardcore, but it's damn effective. How? Because eventually, the submissive will not only bring this desire unfilled to a higher level, but when you allow it to happen-- it's intense for both the dom and the sub. Again-- it's all in the trust and setting down the ground rules.

But I don't ever read this much in erotic literature. I really wish they'd show more variation within kinky sex. Why? Because we're not all of the same mold. We're individual and sometimes...just sometimes....we like it when things get turned upside down and the dominant becomes the submissive for once. *sigh*

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