I know many of you are rubbing your hands in glee at the title-- but trust me-- I'm not going to be bitching about the operators. I am one. But I am going to bitch about people who call and act as if they know everything. I've come to the conclusion that people are getting ruder and dumber each day. *sigh*
1. Directory Assistance provides many things-- phone numbers, addresses, movie listings/showtimes, and sometimes, depending on the service-- driving directions. We do not answer who is the author of a song, nor do we know which is the highest mountain or the sports scores. There are other places for that.
2. How stupid are you to not get your driving directions BEFORE you leave the house? Seriously. Getting phone calls from people who have no clue where a place is and waiting until they're on the road to get directions reminds me of an episode of Jaywalk-- and I can't just turn the channel. I can see if you go wrong or if there are detours calling, but otherwise-- do your homework before leaving the house. And if you KNOW that you're less than a mile away but not sure if you turn left or right...do not call. You're wasting money because you're too lazy to try both ways.
3. If the cellphone is your only phone-- WHY? You do realize you have reception problems when you travel and move and you can't always get the call you're waiting for--and you don't get a phone book. Don't blame me or your service for dropped calls because YOU can't stay still and make one simple phone call.
4. How many of you are breaking state laws by driving and using the cell phone? 'Nuff said on that point.
5. I'm not stupid, nor am I the one with hearing problems. You're the one outside with interference-- I'm in a room with other operators a good distance away from me so our voices don't overlap too much. So if I don't hear you-- you've got background noise. Fix it. Find a quiet place. If you're upset because I can't hear your request and you're in the middle of a dance club-- I'm not at fault. Think on that for a moment.
6. Why does the automated system not work? Well-- if you actually FOLLOWED the directions and spoke clearly-- it just might. But when you actually say the words, "City and State" instead of saying the city and state you're wanting the number in...do I really need to explain why it doesn't work?
7. Voice activated system. This means that it works on hearing you or anyone behind you speak. So if you're having the number read to you and you're speaking to your SO giving them the phone number--- you're putting the voice activated system into motion. Think on that before you whinge to me that you didn't get the number read to you. It's not the computer's fault. And as for playing the radio loud while having the number read to you--- *shakes head* You get the picture.
8. If I'm ever as rude to you as you are to me-- you'd ask for my supervisor and report me. Do me a favour-- be nice and I'll be nice back, even more so than usual because it's VERY RARE to have an hour where I've not dealt with a rude, crude, socially unacceptable idiot who demands things and has the nerve to call me names. You get two warnings then I hang up on you. That's it. Get over yourself.
9. I can only give you what you give me. If you don't know how to spell the name of the business or your best friend (and not knowing their last name-- and they're best friends-- that's just stupid on your part), then how the hell do you expect me to find the damn listing? You are responsible as a customer to know SOMETHING. I'm not a mind-reader, nor am I the spellchecker for your universe. You want the right number-- learn to spell it and use the legal name of the business not just the name that "everyone calls it by that."
10. Not all listings are listed. That is the BUSINESS and the PERSON'S prerogative. Why? Because sometimes the businesses don't want you to call- they want you to come down. Othertimes they don't want to pay to be listed. Same with people--- some people don't want the general public to find them. If you're really a friend-- you'd have the number already. Deal with it.
11. Directory Assistance does NOT owe you a credit if the company doesn't pick up the phone or if it's busy. You are not the only person in the universe-- get over yourself. The phones were busy before you had a cell phone, they're still going to be busy even now that you do. And sometimes the people running the store are helping customers who are IN the store...they don't have to drop everything to run to take care of you.
12. Do not call if you're standing right outside of the store. I can't tell you how many times I've had to deal with people who do that. You want something inside the store and you're there-- get off your ass and go inside. If you're that close, go in. Why call and pay good money that you bitch about having to spend? (And yes-- for those of you who think this can't be real-- about 2% of my calls are like this.)
13. If you're calling for the police or something else-- I do NOT want to hear about it. I just want to know-- emergency or non-emergency. Why? Because if you had to wait for me to pick up your call while listening to someone else tell me why they're calling....and you bitch--- then don't be guilty of the same thing. Just a thought.
Now that I've finally ranted on this-- I'm feeling better. Until people bitch about my bitching about this.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
How to Critique for Others and Yourself
One of the things that often come up by new writers, or even some who are finally submitting and get back a rejection is--- how can Ifind someone to critique or edit my work before I submit it to publishers? How can I make sure that when I check my work, or a friends-- it's the best it can be? These are good questions as finding solid critique partners is hard. Not everyone sees things in the same way, nor should they-- as we all are aware of different things in stories. But what if you have a CP (critique partner) and you're finding that they're not catching the same things they used to? What can you do?
First, let's talk about what it means to critique. Not everyone agrees. Some people think it means to read over it, catch glaring plot inaccuracies, misspelled words, awkward sentences, and other similar things. That's true, but it's also important to remember that you're there to catch bad writing habits that an author has, so they can fix them. You're now wondering about the time it takes to do a thorough critique. Remember-- not everyone asks for a thorough critique of their work-- they effectively tell you what they need you to concentrate on and ignore the rest, which is fine to do. Does this mean that if you're critting someone that you must be nice, polite, and gentle, or does it mean that you can rip them to shreds for every mistake? Actually it's both. Let's look at some things to remember when you're critiquing for another person and points to pick up.
What does a good crit consist of? Pointing out plot errors on a smaller level (a scene, each chapter) and on the larger scale (several chapters and through the entire book). This means if you notice something that is important suddenly pop up and it's something that should've been seen or at least casually noted before-- that's a plot inconsistency. If you see where there's a reaction and no discernable action to cause it-- that's an inconsistency. You notice that certain things can't be done due to realistic positioning and the lack of full description-- you note it-- it's a plot inconsistency as well as an unrealistic movement. Letting it ride because it sounds cool won't happen with a publisher's editor. So, if you want to help your fellow CP, tell them what's unrealistic so they can make it right-- thus impressing the editor with solid knowledge on how a complicated set of actions are done realistically.
Grammar is very important, though not as important as you think. Minor grammatical errors are expected by most editors. It's part and parcel of being in the moment as you write. CPs are there to catch items like passive sentences, awkward phrasings, run-on sentences, even words that don't fit the action or description. There are a couple of items that I've seen as both a freelance editor and as a CP that others do miss-- these are things that people have to "hear" to pick up on. Sentence structure. If a paragraph has many sentences starting with the same noun/pronoun meaning-- that paragraph reads passively. An overuse of "as" "but" "yet" "while" "then". It happens with these words, you can't avoid use of them many times, however, you can find other ways of phrasing your sentences that'll reduce the use of them. As critiquers-- your job is it point them out.
Let's see a couple of examples of writing where we can pick out the errors. Then we'll see if you saw what I did. Then we'll discuss one important thing that critiquers MUST learn how to do, especially if they crit the same people over and over. But first, let's do a couple of examples.
Cylene smiled as they walked out to the backyard. Cylene loved her backyard. On one acre of land, she had built a reflection pond in the heart of a maze at the back of her home. Darin, an architect, and a landscape genius helped make her dream a reality when she asked him to help her. She looked up at the Chinese lanterns that dotted along the outskirts of the maze and highlighted the area in a soft romantic light. She loved how the lanterns reflected the light from the stars in the sky.
What problems do you see in this paragraph? What would you recommend for fixing? What word choices would you suggest using instead of others? Do you find this paragraph active or passive overall? Are there any verbs that you'd replace? Why? Do you notice anything else that either stops the action or forces you to reread it to understand it? Mark all of those things. Now, let's look at a revised version.
Cylene smiled happily while they walked towards her specially designed backyard. On the one acre of land sitting behind her home, she envisioned a labyrinth with a reflecting pool as the crowning centerpiece. Darin, a landscape architect and good friend, transformed the dream into reality with his patented genius, for giving her and her friends a beautiful meditation aid. Gesturing towards the crimson Chinese lanterns that were carefully placed around the labyrinth to create a romantic atmosphere, she asked her companion, "What do you think of my favourite sanctuary?"
What problems do you see in this paragraph? What would you recommend for fixing? What word choices would you suggest using instead of others? Do you find this paragraph active or passive overall? Are there any verbs that you'd replace? Why? Do you notice anything else that either stops the action or forces you to reread it to understand it? Once you've answered those questions....let's talk about what makes the second paragraph better than the first.
The first paragraph was very amateur and basic. In fact, there are repetitive sentence structures throughout it. Notice how many times the sentences either had "Cylene", "She", or "Her". The best way to know if you're using too much of the sentence structure is this--- if you have six sentences and more than 2 are starting the same way-- you've got repetition problems. Now, read the original paragraph aloud. What do you notice about it? The way its worded, it sounds as if you're telling a story to another person. "Did you hear about so-and-so? He said......He then went.....Darin couldn't believe it....His coat...." That's passive writing. Those sentences are all telling what's happening, not showing when you look at them as a whole. If you're an author-- you want these pointed out. If you're critting for another writer-- if you want to really help them-- you point this out because editors will nail them for repetitive use.
Notice verbs in the first paragraph-- they're normal verbs, that convey the basic sense of action. However, they don't do anything to layer the scene with the senses. Do you see at least two senses per scene? Do you feel that the environment is alive in the scene, an active part of what's happening? Or do you feel like you're dealing with Talking Head Syndrome? What's THS? We'll cover this in the next critique lesson.
By offering other choices, or even rewording a sentence for the author to show them how to make it more active-- you help the writer to see how to fix their own writing. Any author who tells you that making any kind of changes to their words is changing their voice --- doesn't know what voice is. Tightening a sentence, using the components in that sentence isn't changing voice, it's helping to strengthen a story. If you, as a writer, can't handle people changing a couple of words or phrases to help show how to make things better-- you need to ask yourself if you're cut out to be a professional writer. Editors change words all the time--- and they don't have to ask your permission for it if you've violated the laws by using Passive, Repetitive, and Boring. If your voice allows those things in-- then you need to find a better voice as that one won't sell.
Critting is used to make your voice better-- by showing you how to make your style and voice sing with active, senses loaded sentences and plotlines. Suggestions are just that-- suggestions, but you must learn that critiques aren't there to pander to you, but to help you strengthen your weakness and to engage your strengths.
Now we come to one of the most IMPORTANT points in critting for someone. Especially if you've critiqued for this person for a while. It happens to the best of us, but it can fought and rejected. What point am I talking about? It's--- They Mean This--- syndrome. When you know what an author means, but you're not seeing what's said-- you're dooming the author to getting loads of revisions from editors. What do I mean by this? When you know what an author meant in parts of their writing, and it's vague and you don't remind them to clarify things-- you're perpetuating a crime that editors hate. The editor will say..."This is what this says....change it." The author will say..."But what I meant is this..." Unfortunately-- the author will not win this one. Ever. You might know the writing style of your CP enough that you unconsciously adjust the meanings to what's written, thus never pointing out they need to fix that part of a story.
When you're critiquing another person....one you know well...you MUST MUST MUST guard against this. You don't help the writer if you mentally change what's there to what's meant. The readers don't know the author's intentions as they don't personally know the author-- that means if it's NOT clear by what's SAID...then what's MEANT doesn't mean shit. They must clarify to make what's said match what's meant. Please-- if you have any love for your critique partners-- do NOT let them get away with "This is what I meant.." Make sure you guard yourself against falling into that fatal trap-- it might be the reason your manuscript is rejected.
Your first homework exercise--- take out something you wrote a while ago and haven't looked at recently. Go through the first three paragraphs and try to see what errors you find by using some of these techniques.
Steps of Critiquing
What are the steps to doing a good solid critique? We've talked about things to look for, but how can you give a good crit without committing hours upon hours of time going through a complete manuscript? How can you be a solid, yet streamlined critique partner? There are some techniques I use when I crit, but I allow the fact that a crit is not as indepth as an edit and some things should be apparent after pointing it out the first ten times to an author-- they should be able to go through their manuscript and fix the rest of those errors. So, let's make a checklist of the major points to look for when critiquing for someone else.
·Passive sentences. The dreaded words of "was" "were" "had" "having" Any form of "to be" needs to be checked for. Any verbs ending in "-ing" need to be checked for passiveness. (Though remember-- they're not passive within themselves, only used in conjunction with those evil "to be" verbs.)
·Repetitive sentence structure. Do you see sentences starting the same way in one paragraph? What about in consecutive paragraphs? If every other sentence starts "She was" "She thought" "Heroine moved" or "Her arm twitched"...then you're looking at repetitive sentences.
·Problems with Action-Reaction. Do you see the response to something before it happens? Do you have to pause and reread the sentence to figure out what action is missing or if it follow the reaction? Note this to the author-- it means that they're putting the Reaction first...thus ruining the logical sequence of the story.
·Anything that makes you reread a paragraph. If you find yourself going, "Huh?" Reread it and note to the author where you had to reread and ask for clarification there because otherwise it'll frustrate the readers too.
·Gaping plot holes. Do you see where they're doing one thing, only a few pages later, they're doing something totally opposite with no reason given? Point it out.
·Problematic words that slow down pacing and are overused. "As" "then" "but" "yet" "while"
·POV (Point of View) issues. Anytime you see the POV change from one character to another without proper transitioning, scene breaks, or where a sentence is in another POV in the middle of the main POV-- note it. It's got to be fixed.
·Make sure you don't fall into the "What's Meant over what's Said" trap. Point out what's said and how it doesn't match what's meant. It needs to be fixed.
·THS-- Talking Head Syndrome. This is a biggie to note, and I saved this until last because it's the hardest to deal with for both the author and the CP.
What is THS? Talking Head Syndrome is where you have dialog with no tags, no action-- basically nothing that shows you what's happening while the dialogue exchange is quick paced. Let me give you an example of THS, so you can see it in action.
"You're an idiot for agreeing to see him."
"Am not!"
"Are too. Do you think he doesn't realize what's happening here?"
"He doesn't care and neither do you."
"I care, but there's not a damn thing I can do!"
"Of course not, why get involved when it means it might cost you something."
Notice the exchange-- it's fast and furious with tons of sarcasm tossed in.....or is it? How can the words alone tell you tone of voice? More importantly--- there's action. All you have are two talking heads yapping at each other. There are no senses used to convey emotions or anything to give us a clue as to how important this is. Now, lets look at a new version.
"You're an idiot for agreeing to see him." His fist slammed on the desk, toppling two picture frames. She flinched at the noise.
"Am not!" Charlee couldn't believe that he was being so arrogant. She knew Andre and the risk was worth it if she recovered the diamond. How could Dax think that she hadn't taken all precautions on protecting them?
"Are too. Do you think he doesn't realize what's happening here?" The look on his face was pure rage. Even after all this time, she realized, Dax had never found out the truth about that night with Andre. Did she dare correct him? "He's an asshole who would love to see this fail!"
"He doesn't care and neither do you. Andre doesn't know what we do, Dax." Rubbing her temples with her fingertips, she tried to prevent the throbbing in her head from growing into something more. She was tired of their posturing bullshit, but she needed that diamond back. These two men were the only ones who could help her-- if they just would stop hating each other.
"I care, but there's not a damn thing I can do!" His hand shot out, grabbing her arm, distracting her from the tension headache building up. She glanced up, catching a look of something-- anguish?- in his chocolate brown eyes. Anguish or not, she couldn't give in; there was too much at stake, more than she'd ever admit to. But how to get Dax to help?
"Of course not, why get involved when it means it might cost you something." The only warning she had was the tightening of his hand on her arm and the low, menacing growl.
See the difference? There's action, emotional responses and a layering of senses. You feel what's happening and hear the emotions. This is what readers want-- a deep, complex book that comes alive in their minds. You as the CP need to mention that while the author wants a quick, snappy pace-- the reader will need a bit more information and action to keep the scene in their mind and not have visions of floating heads talking. Morgan Hawke has some wonderful articles with the craft of writing and can be found at www.darkerotica.blogspot.com
This is just a small list that I use when I do a crit for someone. I don't go looking for everything wrong with a book, but I do keep watch for certain common problems that crop up. An editor goes deeper in the story, finding tiny inconsistencies, checking on facts, and highlighting ever grammar issue known to man. But if you can see and bring attention to the major things-- the story will be stronger for it. The author might not want to thank you at first for being a solid CP who does their job...but in the long run, you've done what they can't do-- see their work in a clear, unbiased light.
Being a critique partner isn't easy and sometimes people who are new to writing don't have the skills. But by following these basic steps, you'll begin to see how to critique better for others as well as yourself.
First, let's talk about what it means to critique. Not everyone agrees. Some people think it means to read over it, catch glaring plot inaccuracies, misspelled words, awkward sentences, and other similar things. That's true, but it's also important to remember that you're there to catch bad writing habits that an author has, so they can fix them. You're now wondering about the time it takes to do a thorough critique. Remember-- not everyone asks for a thorough critique of their work-- they effectively tell you what they need you to concentrate on and ignore the rest, which is fine to do. Does this mean that if you're critting someone that you must be nice, polite, and gentle, or does it mean that you can rip them to shreds for every mistake? Actually it's both. Let's look at some things to remember when you're critiquing for another person and points to pick up.
What does a good crit consist of? Pointing out plot errors on a smaller level (a scene, each chapter) and on the larger scale (several chapters and through the entire book). This means if you notice something that is important suddenly pop up and it's something that should've been seen or at least casually noted before-- that's a plot inconsistency. If you see where there's a reaction and no discernable action to cause it-- that's an inconsistency. You notice that certain things can't be done due to realistic positioning and the lack of full description-- you note it-- it's a plot inconsistency as well as an unrealistic movement. Letting it ride because it sounds cool won't happen with a publisher's editor. So, if you want to help your fellow CP, tell them what's unrealistic so they can make it right-- thus impressing the editor with solid knowledge on how a complicated set of actions are done realistically.
Grammar is very important, though not as important as you think. Minor grammatical errors are expected by most editors. It's part and parcel of being in the moment as you write. CPs are there to catch items like passive sentences, awkward phrasings, run-on sentences, even words that don't fit the action or description. There are a couple of items that I've seen as both a freelance editor and as a CP that others do miss-- these are things that people have to "hear" to pick up on. Sentence structure. If a paragraph has many sentences starting with the same noun/pronoun meaning-- that paragraph reads passively. An overuse of "as" "but" "yet" "while" "then". It happens with these words, you can't avoid use of them many times, however, you can find other ways of phrasing your sentences that'll reduce the use of them. As critiquers-- your job is it point them out.
Let's see a couple of examples of writing where we can pick out the errors. Then we'll see if you saw what I did. Then we'll discuss one important thing that critiquers MUST learn how to do, especially if they crit the same people over and over. But first, let's do a couple of examples.
Cylene smiled as they walked out to the backyard. Cylene loved her backyard. On one acre of land, she had built a reflection pond in the heart of a maze at the back of her home. Darin, an architect, and a landscape genius helped make her dream a reality when she asked him to help her. She looked up at the Chinese lanterns that dotted along the outskirts of the maze and highlighted the area in a soft romantic light. She loved how the lanterns reflected the light from the stars in the sky.
What problems do you see in this paragraph? What would you recommend for fixing? What word choices would you suggest using instead of others? Do you find this paragraph active or passive overall? Are there any verbs that you'd replace? Why? Do you notice anything else that either stops the action or forces you to reread it to understand it? Mark all of those things. Now, let's look at a revised version.
Cylene smiled happily while they walked towards her specially designed backyard. On the one acre of land sitting behind her home, she envisioned a labyrinth with a reflecting pool as the crowning centerpiece. Darin, a landscape architect and good friend, transformed the dream into reality with his patented genius, for giving her and her friends a beautiful meditation aid. Gesturing towards the crimson Chinese lanterns that were carefully placed around the labyrinth to create a romantic atmosphere, she asked her companion, "What do you think of my favourite sanctuary?"
What problems do you see in this paragraph? What would you recommend for fixing? What word choices would you suggest using instead of others? Do you find this paragraph active or passive overall? Are there any verbs that you'd replace? Why? Do you notice anything else that either stops the action or forces you to reread it to understand it? Once you've answered those questions....let's talk about what makes the second paragraph better than the first.
The first paragraph was very amateur and basic. In fact, there are repetitive sentence structures throughout it. Notice how many times the sentences either had "Cylene", "She", or "Her". The best way to know if you're using too much of the sentence structure is this--- if you have six sentences and more than 2 are starting the same way-- you've got repetition problems. Now, read the original paragraph aloud. What do you notice about it? The way its worded, it sounds as if you're telling a story to another person. "Did you hear about so-and-so? He said......He then went.....Darin couldn't believe it....His coat...." That's passive writing. Those sentences are all telling what's happening, not showing when you look at them as a whole. If you're an author-- you want these pointed out. If you're critting for another writer-- if you want to really help them-- you point this out because editors will nail them for repetitive use.
Notice verbs in the first paragraph-- they're normal verbs, that convey the basic sense of action. However, they don't do anything to layer the scene with the senses. Do you see at least two senses per scene? Do you feel that the environment is alive in the scene, an active part of what's happening? Or do you feel like you're dealing with Talking Head Syndrome? What's THS? We'll cover this in the next critique lesson.
By offering other choices, or even rewording a sentence for the author to show them how to make it more active-- you help the writer to see how to fix their own writing. Any author who tells you that making any kind of changes to their words is changing their voice --- doesn't know what voice is. Tightening a sentence, using the components in that sentence isn't changing voice, it's helping to strengthen a story. If you, as a writer, can't handle people changing a couple of words or phrases to help show how to make things better-- you need to ask yourself if you're cut out to be a professional writer. Editors change words all the time--- and they don't have to ask your permission for it if you've violated the laws by using Passive, Repetitive, and Boring. If your voice allows those things in-- then you need to find a better voice as that one won't sell.
Critting is used to make your voice better-- by showing you how to make your style and voice sing with active, senses loaded sentences and plotlines. Suggestions are just that-- suggestions, but you must learn that critiques aren't there to pander to you, but to help you strengthen your weakness and to engage your strengths.
Now we come to one of the most IMPORTANT points in critting for someone. Especially if you've critiqued for this person for a while. It happens to the best of us, but it can fought and rejected. What point am I talking about? It's--- They Mean This--- syndrome. When you know what an author means, but you're not seeing what's said-- you're dooming the author to getting loads of revisions from editors. What do I mean by this? When you know what an author meant in parts of their writing, and it's vague and you don't remind them to clarify things-- you're perpetuating a crime that editors hate. The editor will say..."This is what this says....change it." The author will say..."But what I meant is this..." Unfortunately-- the author will not win this one. Ever. You might know the writing style of your CP enough that you unconsciously adjust the meanings to what's written, thus never pointing out they need to fix that part of a story.
When you're critiquing another person....one you know well...you MUST MUST MUST guard against this. You don't help the writer if you mentally change what's there to what's meant. The readers don't know the author's intentions as they don't personally know the author-- that means if it's NOT clear by what's SAID...then what's MEANT doesn't mean shit. They must clarify to make what's said match what's meant. Please-- if you have any love for your critique partners-- do NOT let them get away with "This is what I meant.." Make sure you guard yourself against falling into that fatal trap-- it might be the reason your manuscript is rejected.
Your first homework exercise--- take out something you wrote a while ago and haven't looked at recently. Go through the first three paragraphs and try to see what errors you find by using some of these techniques.
Steps of Critiquing
What are the steps to doing a good solid critique? We've talked about things to look for, but how can you give a good crit without committing hours upon hours of time going through a complete manuscript? How can you be a solid, yet streamlined critique partner? There are some techniques I use when I crit, but I allow the fact that a crit is not as indepth as an edit and some things should be apparent after pointing it out the first ten times to an author-- they should be able to go through their manuscript and fix the rest of those errors. So, let's make a checklist of the major points to look for when critiquing for someone else.
·Passive sentences. The dreaded words of "was" "were" "had" "having" Any form of "to be" needs to be checked for. Any verbs ending in "-ing" need to be checked for passiveness. (Though remember-- they're not passive within themselves, only used in conjunction with those evil "to be" verbs.)
·Repetitive sentence structure. Do you see sentences starting the same way in one paragraph? What about in consecutive paragraphs? If every other sentence starts "She was" "She thought" "Heroine moved" or "Her arm twitched"...then you're looking at repetitive sentences.
·Problems with Action-Reaction. Do you see the response to something before it happens? Do you have to pause and reread the sentence to figure out what action is missing or if it follow the reaction? Note this to the author-- it means that they're putting the Reaction first...thus ruining the logical sequence of the story.
·Anything that makes you reread a paragraph. If you find yourself going, "Huh?" Reread it and note to the author where you had to reread and ask for clarification there because otherwise it'll frustrate the readers too.
·Gaping plot holes. Do you see where they're doing one thing, only a few pages later, they're doing something totally opposite with no reason given? Point it out.
·Problematic words that slow down pacing and are overused. "As" "then" "but" "yet" "while"
·POV (Point of View) issues. Anytime you see the POV change from one character to another without proper transitioning, scene breaks, or where a sentence is in another POV in the middle of the main POV-- note it. It's got to be fixed.
·Make sure you don't fall into the "What's Meant over what's Said" trap. Point out what's said and how it doesn't match what's meant. It needs to be fixed.
·THS-- Talking Head Syndrome. This is a biggie to note, and I saved this until last because it's the hardest to deal with for both the author and the CP.
What is THS? Talking Head Syndrome is where you have dialog with no tags, no action-- basically nothing that shows you what's happening while the dialogue exchange is quick paced. Let me give you an example of THS, so you can see it in action.
"You're an idiot for agreeing to see him."
"Am not!"
"Are too. Do you think he doesn't realize what's happening here?"
"He doesn't care and neither do you."
"I care, but there's not a damn thing I can do!"
"Of course not, why get involved when it means it might cost you something."
Notice the exchange-- it's fast and furious with tons of sarcasm tossed in.....or is it? How can the words alone tell you tone of voice? More importantly--- there's action. All you have are two talking heads yapping at each other. There are no senses used to convey emotions or anything to give us a clue as to how important this is. Now, lets look at a new version.
"You're an idiot for agreeing to see him." His fist slammed on the desk, toppling two picture frames. She flinched at the noise.
"Am not!" Charlee couldn't believe that he was being so arrogant. She knew Andre and the risk was worth it if she recovered the diamond. How could Dax think that she hadn't taken all precautions on protecting them?
"Are too. Do you think he doesn't realize what's happening here?" The look on his face was pure rage. Even after all this time, she realized, Dax had never found out the truth about that night with Andre. Did she dare correct him? "He's an asshole who would love to see this fail!"
"He doesn't care and neither do you. Andre doesn't know what we do, Dax." Rubbing her temples with her fingertips, she tried to prevent the throbbing in her head from growing into something more. She was tired of their posturing bullshit, but she needed that diamond back. These two men were the only ones who could help her-- if they just would stop hating each other.
"I care, but there's not a damn thing I can do!" His hand shot out, grabbing her arm, distracting her from the tension headache building up. She glanced up, catching a look of something-- anguish?- in his chocolate brown eyes. Anguish or not, she couldn't give in; there was too much at stake, more than she'd ever admit to. But how to get Dax to help?
"Of course not, why get involved when it means it might cost you something." The only warning she had was the tightening of his hand on her arm and the low, menacing growl.
See the difference? There's action, emotional responses and a layering of senses. You feel what's happening and hear the emotions. This is what readers want-- a deep, complex book that comes alive in their minds. You as the CP need to mention that while the author wants a quick, snappy pace-- the reader will need a bit more information and action to keep the scene in their mind and not have visions of floating heads talking. Morgan Hawke has some wonderful articles with the craft of writing and can be found at www.darkerotica.blogspot.com
This is just a small list that I use when I do a crit for someone. I don't go looking for everything wrong with a book, but I do keep watch for certain common problems that crop up. An editor goes deeper in the story, finding tiny inconsistencies, checking on facts, and highlighting ever grammar issue known to man. But if you can see and bring attention to the major things-- the story will be stronger for it. The author might not want to thank you at first for being a solid CP who does their job...but in the long run, you've done what they can't do-- see their work in a clear, unbiased light.
Being a critique partner isn't easy and sometimes people who are new to writing don't have the skills. But by following these basic steps, you'll begin to see how to critique better for others as well as yourself.
Driven by Romance or Plot with Romantic Elements
I was reviewing my workshop that I give on finding your niche as a writer and I'm sitting here asking myself-- do I really fit into the romance category as it stands-- the romance driving the plot? Let me explain-- in romance novels, it's the romance that drives the plotline and everything else happens in relation to the romance occurring. Which means that the heroine and the hero meet and as they struggle with the attraction-turning-into-love thing, everything else revolves and hinges on that main plotline. Even in romantic suspense-- as the mystery/suspense builds, it directs the romance as well. An editor once said that in a romance, the romance had to be 60-75% of the story-- how it develops, grows, the problems, and the solving. Everything else goes in to support the growth arc of the romance. I'm one of those writers who fit into the category of women's fiction with strong romantic elements.
My plot drives the story, which develops the romance. The romance is the byproduct of the events facing the two main characters. That means that my plot is split 50/50 or 60/40 in favour of the plot guiding things. The romance is there, present, accounted for and does have its place within the storyline-- but it's not the driving force that propels the story forward. Which brings me to a thought--does the fact that I write mainstream with strong romantic elements work against me in submitting to romance publishers? Or is it in making sure the romance has enough "screen time" that allows my work to still be considered romance? Or does the length-- category versus single title-- make a difference on how the romantic elements are perceived within the story?
In rereading my original article, it's brought this conundrum to the forefront of my thinking. My stories range from Blaze hot to blistering erotica romance in the sensual heat department, but in all, the plotline leads the way for the romance, not the other way around.Admission time--I prefer books that are plot driven romances over the romance driven stories. I think that's why I write that way-- it's the type of book I'm drawn to. The reason is simple-- reality. I have trouble accepting a story that revolves around a romance with other things interfering in the process. But give me a story that has all this stuff occuring and in the process the characters fall in love-- I grab for it because that's how life is and I love seeing people prevail over everything and to be graced with love as well at the end. Will I try to write more romance-oriented story, because it'll be considered more of a romance? Probably not. My strengths aren't in a romance driven story and it'd be instantly apparent. That's not to say I can't make my stories have more romantic moments-- because that I can do.
It does mean that if I can find a time to make those intimate touchpoints Linda Howard has written about while things are happening, I'll deepen the romantic perspective within the story. Plot-driven stories are my specialty-- even if there are menages, witches, druids, or even swords involved. The romance comes as a natural progression, but I can see I need to work on it being a bit more obvious and a deeper connection for romance readers. Amazing what rereading a workshop/article can do for a writer. I stand proudly before you and say...."My stories are driven by plot with romance as the natural conclusion." Hopefully, it might appeal to the right publishers as well.
My plot drives the story, which develops the romance. The romance is the byproduct of the events facing the two main characters. That means that my plot is split 50/50 or 60/40 in favour of the plot guiding things. The romance is there, present, accounted for and does have its place within the storyline-- but it's not the driving force that propels the story forward. Which brings me to a thought--does the fact that I write mainstream with strong romantic elements work against me in submitting to romance publishers? Or is it in making sure the romance has enough "screen time" that allows my work to still be considered romance? Or does the length-- category versus single title-- make a difference on how the romantic elements are perceived within the story?
In rereading my original article, it's brought this conundrum to the forefront of my thinking. My stories range from Blaze hot to blistering erotica romance in the sensual heat department, but in all, the plotline leads the way for the romance, not the other way around.Admission time--I prefer books that are plot driven romances over the romance driven stories. I think that's why I write that way-- it's the type of book I'm drawn to. The reason is simple-- reality. I have trouble accepting a story that revolves around a romance with other things interfering in the process. But give me a story that has all this stuff occuring and in the process the characters fall in love-- I grab for it because that's how life is and I love seeing people prevail over everything and to be graced with love as well at the end. Will I try to write more romance-oriented story, because it'll be considered more of a romance? Probably not. My strengths aren't in a romance driven story and it'd be instantly apparent. That's not to say I can't make my stories have more romantic moments-- because that I can do.
It does mean that if I can find a time to make those intimate touchpoints Linda Howard has written about while things are happening, I'll deepen the romantic perspective within the story. Plot-driven stories are my specialty-- even if there are menages, witches, druids, or even swords involved. The romance comes as a natural progression, but I can see I need to work on it being a bit more obvious and a deeper connection for romance readers. Amazing what rereading a workshop/article can do for a writer. I stand proudly before you and say...."My stories are driven by plot with romance as the natural conclusion." Hopefully, it might appeal to the right publishers as well.
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