It was what Prometheus gave to man, it brought them forward out of the darkness and into warmth- fire. Fire is a dual element in both nature and sexuality. Most view fire as a masculine element more so than female. Many of us think of Fire in a positive manner, one of healing, protection, warmth. Though we see occasionally the wildfires, the backdrafts that kill, this element leans more positively to people than most others.
I also consider electricity part of Fire as it takes electrical power-- or sparks to be able to create the energy we use in our daily lives.
Positive: Burns away to the essence, warmth, protection, righteous anger and decision to follow through, charisma, electricity for home and work
Negative: Zealousness to the exclusion of balance, fires that destroy and kill, too much charisma, uncontrolled lightning strikes
Lessons with Fire:
The first lesson I often have my students do is to buy some candles and a lighter. I have them sit in a spot where there is no draft and light one candle. They sit about a foot or two away from the flame and focus upon the flame itself. See the components of heat to the flame- from the bright orangey-yellow exterior down to the blue-white interior portion. See them as individual aspects of fire and then slowly refocus your attention to see it as a whole. Just as you are part of a whole, you are also an individual piece of fire. Feel yourself become part of Fire, burning brightly separately and together with others who choose to serve the Flame.
Lesson Two: Once you feel reenergized and focused, begin bending the flame to your will. This will take a lot of time, unless you're truly a child of Fire. Watch the flame, its movements, how it shifts its shape while it burns. Then slowly focus your attention to make the middle bend to one direction then another. See it growing taller, then shorter. The idea here is learning how to control the flame and to hyperfocus with a touch of telekinesis with the element itself. It'll take a while for you to learn how to read the flame and learn how to make it dance. But once you can get it to bend to your will, you'll discover how fluid Fire can be. (continue reading &aquo;)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Flash Fiction- The Pirate Queen
This will be a story. Not sure how long, or how it'll turn out. But this story is for my male. Originally an idea he came up with to amuse me, to seduce me. Together we brought a bit of history, a bit of erotic fun and came up with the basics of the story. Only thing is- I know that for me to run with it- I'll update it to a bit more futuristic fun with laz-swords instead of metal ones, but over all- the same erotic romp of fun. So-- this is for my male- inspiration for naughty thoughts and naughty nights. Thank you, lover.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Sex Ed with Mistress Cynnara- Toy Time
Today, a new question comes in-- one that I had to smile over and one that brought back memories of my first time ni that regard.
Mistress Cynnara- I love sex, enjoy sex, but my boyfriend has suggested that we bring some toys into our sex life to spice things up a bit. Though I think the idea could be fun, I'm not sure what are the best toys to start with, though I do own my own vibrator. --- Toyless in Tacoma
When I read this question, I got excited. I mean excited to the point I brought out my favourite sex toy catalogs and decided to go toy shopping myself. Sex toys are fantastic to bring into a relationship where you have trust. More importantly, toys can help you fall over that edge from just great sex to "OMFG" sex. Now, there are toys for her, toys for him and couple toys out there. And though I advocate many places to shop for toys- once you find a place you really like and trust- patronage them regularly. You'll get good deals and more importantly, you'll find that you can depend on the quality. So, let's begin at the beginning.
Every woman needs a vibrator. I didn't use to think so until I actually used my first one I bought for myself. Believe it or not, I had owned one for years and years and used it on my lover, but not on me. (Shame on me for this! Had I only known!) What kind of vibrator depends on what you're wanting it for. Since I'm of the blended orgasm type- aka vaginal and clitoral, I tend towards the rabbit-styled vibrators. As a matter of fact, I'm buying myself a new one called Daffy the Deep Stroker. It's a bit more styled for my sexual needs and though I love the Rotating G-spot Vibrator, I wanted to try something that would also simulate having sexual intercourse.
But what if you're more the vaginal girl and not the combo type? Then we can go with more along the lines of straight vibrators. For those who prefer vaginal orgasms, the feeling of fullness and the vibrations help achieve that goal. I'm fond of the G-spot vibrators, from the simple and affordable Dual Spot Vibrator to the more expensive but just as easy to use Cyberskin Slimline Deluxe. These are some of the great vaginal orgasm toys. They're also great to use on men and for just massage purposes, depending on the style you buy.
What about the clitoral orgasm queens out there? It's not easy getting the right amount of stimulation and pressure to achieve those mind blowing, legs shaking orgasms. So what kind of toys are best? There are some great clitoral vibrators out there. My favourite out there is Adam and Eve's My Clitoral Humming Vibrator. It's fantastic and I've found that it truly delivers a great mind blowing orgasm.
But that's for self play, or play where you are given pleasure by your lover. What about toys for him? I have few favourites, especially if he's into anal play-- with me in charge! (If you're a hetero male and a bit nervous on it, you're going to want to find my article on Anal Play- you might just change your mind on letting your woman touch your anus.) But some of my favourite toys for men are: My first Anal Toy, Swirl Top Butt Plug (good for men and women! I own 2), Falcon Anal beads, stretchable cock rings, cock straps and harnesses, and male masturbator toys. These allow you to not only please your male but watch him pleasure himself under your guidance and direction.
But what about couple based toys? What can a couple have toy-wise to make them both happy? First, every couple needs at least one pair of nipple clamps- though I'll recommend one pair for women, another pair- alligator style for men- because they don't have the nipples that women do. Invest in a pair of nipple clamps as they're a fun, yet very sensual toy that doesn't cost a lot, but can be used in a variety of ways to up the play time sexually.
Other toys I put on my must have list are restraints, floggers, collars, and cock leashes. Blindfolds, silk scarves, cushioned handcuffs are some other items you can pick up over a period of time. One toy I consider a Must Have in my arsenal of toys is not a toy at all. What is it? It's a set of Sexy Dice. Why? Because with these dice, you can not only command your lover to touch a certain aspect in a random way by the dice. For people who are new at role playing or even at suggesting such a thing- these dice break the ice and allow people to be "told" what to do and to get creative doing so. Think of the dice as Truth or Dare, but only the Dares are allowed.
Why do I think these toys come in handy? These toys can be used in combination of scene play, role play and dress up to provide real-time sensation to up the sexual tension for both partners. The idea here is to be able to have toys that will pleasure and provide a more intense experience whether you're the one on the receiving end or the giving portion. Remember, toys are important for a good relationship when both lovers are open about what the toys are for and they're not used as a substitute for intimacy. Also, if you buy toys, make sure you invest in some good toy cleaner. Depending on the substance the toy is made of- you may need special cleaners to keep them in good shape.
Toys are great things to have and use in a relationship or even alone. Remember, toys are enhancements to make what's great even better. If you're not sure how to use a toy, don't panic-- ask. Sales staff and many of the adult toy websites are more than willing to explain how they work and the best techniques to use with them.
Until next week- keep dreaming those hot sexy dreams, love safely, and remember that knowledge is power.
Always,
Mistress Cynnara (continue reading &aquo;)
Mistress Cynnara- I love sex, enjoy sex, but my boyfriend has suggested that we bring some toys into our sex life to spice things up a bit. Though I think the idea could be fun, I'm not sure what are the best toys to start with, though I do own my own vibrator. --- Toyless in Tacoma
When I read this question, I got excited. I mean excited to the point I brought out my favourite sex toy catalogs and decided to go toy shopping myself. Sex toys are fantastic to bring into a relationship where you have trust. More importantly, toys can help you fall over that edge from just great sex to "OMFG" sex. Now, there are toys for her, toys for him and couple toys out there. And though I advocate many places to shop for toys- once you find a place you really like and trust- patronage them regularly. You'll get good deals and more importantly, you'll find that you can depend on the quality. So, let's begin at the beginning.
Every woman needs a vibrator. I didn't use to think so until I actually used my first one I bought for myself. Believe it or not, I had owned one for years and years and used it on my lover, but not on me. (Shame on me for this! Had I only known!) What kind of vibrator depends on what you're wanting it for. Since I'm of the blended orgasm type- aka vaginal and clitoral, I tend towards the rabbit-styled vibrators. As a matter of fact, I'm buying myself a new one called Daffy the Deep Stroker. It's a bit more styled for my sexual needs and though I love the Rotating G-spot Vibrator, I wanted to try something that would also simulate having sexual intercourse.
But what if you're more the vaginal girl and not the combo type? Then we can go with more along the lines of straight vibrators. For those who prefer vaginal orgasms, the feeling of fullness and the vibrations help achieve that goal. I'm fond of the G-spot vibrators, from the simple and affordable Dual Spot Vibrator to the more expensive but just as easy to use Cyberskin Slimline Deluxe. These are some of the great vaginal orgasm toys. They're also great to use on men and for just massage purposes, depending on the style you buy.
What about the clitoral orgasm queens out there? It's not easy getting the right amount of stimulation and pressure to achieve those mind blowing, legs shaking orgasms. So what kind of toys are best? There are some great clitoral vibrators out there. My favourite out there is Adam and Eve's My Clitoral Humming Vibrator. It's fantastic and I've found that it truly delivers a great mind blowing orgasm.
But that's for self play, or play where you are given pleasure by your lover. What about toys for him? I have few favourites, especially if he's into anal play-- with me in charge! (If you're a hetero male and a bit nervous on it, you're going to want to find my article on Anal Play- you might just change your mind on letting your woman touch your anus.) But some of my favourite toys for men are: My first Anal Toy, Swirl Top Butt Plug (good for men and women! I own 2), Falcon Anal beads, stretchable cock rings, cock straps and harnesses, and male masturbator toys. These allow you to not only please your male but watch him pleasure himself under your guidance and direction.
But what about couple based toys? What can a couple have toy-wise to make them both happy? First, every couple needs at least one pair of nipple clamps- though I'll recommend one pair for women, another pair- alligator style for men- because they don't have the nipples that women do. Invest in a pair of nipple clamps as they're a fun, yet very sensual toy that doesn't cost a lot, but can be used in a variety of ways to up the play time sexually.
Other toys I put on my must have list are restraints, floggers, collars, and cock leashes. Blindfolds, silk scarves, cushioned handcuffs are some other items you can pick up over a period of time. One toy I consider a Must Have in my arsenal of toys is not a toy at all. What is it? It's a set of Sexy Dice. Why? Because with these dice, you can not only command your lover to touch a certain aspect in a random way by the dice. For people who are new at role playing or even at suggesting such a thing- these dice break the ice and allow people to be "told" what to do and to get creative doing so. Think of the dice as Truth or Dare, but only the Dares are allowed.
Why do I think these toys come in handy? These toys can be used in combination of scene play, role play and dress up to provide real-time sensation to up the sexual tension for both partners. The idea here is to be able to have toys that will pleasure and provide a more intense experience whether you're the one on the receiving end or the giving portion. Remember, toys are important for a good relationship when both lovers are open about what the toys are for and they're not used as a substitute for intimacy. Also, if you buy toys, make sure you invest in some good toy cleaner. Depending on the substance the toy is made of- you may need special cleaners to keep them in good shape.
Toys are great things to have and use in a relationship or even alone. Remember, toys are enhancements to make what's great even better. If you're not sure how to use a toy, don't panic-- ask. Sales staff and many of the adult toy websites are more than willing to explain how they work and the best techniques to use with them.
Until next week- keep dreaming those hot sexy dreams, love safely, and remember that knowledge is power.
Always,
Mistress Cynnara (continue reading &aquo;)
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Pagan: Elements- Water
So far in our discussion of the Elements, we've talked about Earth and Air. Today's topic is that of Water. Water is fluid, changeable. When working with this element, we discover the fine art of flexibility. When it comes to the duality of the Elements, we discover that Water has more of a feminine quality. This is why sailors often called the ocean and the seas as their "mistress."
Political: Changes are Coming- Some good, some bad
First things first-- Congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama. This is a man who has been open and honest in how hard it'll be to make changes in a world where the economy has plummeted. He's talked about compromise and honesty that it's not just as simple as him telling Congress what to do. But, I, like others who want change, aren't going away- we're going to watch our new President and make sure he holds to what he says. If you didn't hear his acceptance speech, you can read it at CNN.com.
As for being a Floridian, I'm beyond angry that people voted for Amendment 2. Sayno2.com has said it best on why it was wrong to pass it. Fellow author, Lena Austin, also has gone on her soapbox and honestly, I'm there with her. What passing this amendment does is also take away the rights of common-law marriages too. But for those Christian people who want to believe that this country was formed and based on Christian ideals-- I would like to quote from our first president, George Washington. He was writing to the government of Tripoli, Liberia when it came up to the beliefs of the United States as a country. And if this is what our founding fathers say, then you need to adjust with a reality- same sex love has been and will always be a part of human society. But here's what our first President says--
And for those who have issues with gays in military or that gays were never prominent...I give you-- the Sacred Band of Thebes. There have always been gays, there always will be. Now, here in Florida, it's not just banning gays from marriage we're looking at-- it's not allowing those who don't want to be married by government to be punished as well. If you're single in Florida-- be scared. Be very scared on what happens now if you ever go to the hospital and on death's door -- and are on the outs with your family. It's not pretty. *sigh* (continue reading &aquo;)
As for being a Floridian, I'm beyond angry that people voted for Amendment 2. Sayno2.com has said it best on why it was wrong to pass it. Fellow author, Lena Austin, also has gone on her soapbox and honestly, I'm there with her. What passing this amendment does is also take away the rights of common-law marriages too. But for those Christian people who want to believe that this country was formed and based on Christian ideals-- I would like to quote from our first president, George Washington. He was writing to the government of Tripoli, Liberia when it came up to the beliefs of the United States as a country. And if this is what our founding fathers say, then you need to adjust with a reality- same sex love has been and will always be a part of human society. But here's what our first President says--
"As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Musselmen; and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries."
And for those who have issues with gays in military or that gays were never prominent...I give you-- the Sacred Band of Thebes. There have always been gays, there always will be. Now, here in Florida, it's not just banning gays from marriage we're looking at-- it's not allowing those who don't want to be married by government to be punished as well. If you're single in Florida-- be scared. Be very scared on what happens now if you ever go to the hospital and on death's door -- and are on the outs with your family. It's not pretty. *sigh* (continue reading &aquo;)
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Sex Ed with Mistress Cynnara- Extra- What's Sexy?
I was talking with a friend the other day, when the idea of "What is sexy?" came up in our conversation. Considering I write erotic romance and she's an editor of said romances, it was an interesting discussion. But more than that, it made me think on how much is physical oriented and how much is oriented otherwise- towards attributes we think are sexy.
Physical attributes are the first and foremost aspect people consider when they talk about sexy. You ask any person "What is the first thing you find sexy about a male or female?" the list is invariably physical first. There are some who have it by rote to say "humour" or some such-- but it's just that-- rote learning. Physicality is the first thing we as creatures notice-- what excites us, what piques our interest, what draws us closer. After that, come what sociologists and anthropologists called the deeper qualities-- intellect, humour, etc. In fact, there have been studies that uphold this thought process.
That said, I have to admit, sometimes I hate the physicality aspect and other times, it's okay. Today, I was walking home from the bus stop, when a car went by with a nice looking male (whom I didn't know) and he whistled at me. I laughed out loud and waved. It made me feel good inside that regardless that I have a lot of weight to lose, I could trigger a response. (We won't mention that said guy stopped the car and asked me out. That would be bragging. LOL)
Studies have even shown that beautiful women marry men who are often considered "less" attractive then them- not because of jealousy, but because they want a supportive spouse. Even more interesting is that males have a tendency to overlook their own looks and go towards those women who are considered beautiful or above their own beauty level. Yet, time and again, people will say they look for compatibility, intellect, honesty, humour when talking about what makes a person sexy. Studies have said that those aspects are often paired with the physical when we see people interact with others.
Now, I'll be the first to admit, I'm prone to the physical attractive thing-- Christian Bale, David Bowie, Jonas Armstrong, John Barrowman and the like. Though the physical attracts me, it's often in combination with a personality trait- intensity of emotions, similar abilities, intellect and more. What's funny-- I can lust for these males, but the idea of having a relationship with them doesn't necessary equate in my thinking. They're eye candy- great for the dreaming and the writing of stories, but of that above list-- only 2 truly would appeal to me beyond the quick roll in the hay. Why? Because those two appeal to me in similar areas that I'm interested in and personality-wise, I'm attracted to them. And if they were all to step towards me at the same time-- the first one I'd go to is simple- John Barrowman aka Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood. Why? Because he and I have many similar interests, he's gorgeous, and I'd be begging him to sing to me!
One of the things that often hurts in relationships is when sexy isn't perceived the same way in a relationship. For instance, I have a friend who's dating a guy who some would consider above average in looks and is very smart. Anyone who saw my friend would say that she was perhaps average looking and would judge her on her weight issues. Funny thing is, they're great together and though I know he doesn't see her weight in some ways-- he does judge it against her. I've never once heard him call her sexy or say he was attracted to her. But, I hear it out of her mouth often. I know it hurts her that he doesn't see her in that light. And honestly, it hurts me as well. Why? Because we often talk about how those personality and compatibility areas are the first aspects we look for in sexy- but reality is- physicality wins out time and again. We often talk about being accepted for who and what we are in all areas, but very rarely do you meet someone who truly believes and acts accordingly.
Sexy is a very subjective topic, though there are some characteristics in the physicality that seem to be the most common. Some of these characteristics are: waist-to-hip ratio, baby-faced aspects, large eyes, fairly symmetrical faces, and somewhat average style faces.
So, tell me-- what is sexy to you? How do you define it and do you feel you fit the definition that you've given it?
Always,
Mistress Cynnara (continue reading &aquo;)
Physical attributes are the first and foremost aspect people consider when they talk about sexy. You ask any person "What is the first thing you find sexy about a male or female?" the list is invariably physical first. There are some who have it by rote to say "humour" or some such-- but it's just that-- rote learning. Physicality is the first thing we as creatures notice-- what excites us, what piques our interest, what draws us closer. After that, come what sociologists and anthropologists called the deeper qualities-- intellect, humour, etc. In fact, there have been studies that uphold this thought process.
That said, I have to admit, sometimes I hate the physicality aspect and other times, it's okay. Today, I was walking home from the bus stop, when a car went by with a nice looking male (whom I didn't know) and he whistled at me. I laughed out loud and waved. It made me feel good inside that regardless that I have a lot of weight to lose, I could trigger a response. (We won't mention that said guy stopped the car and asked me out. That would be bragging. LOL)
Studies have even shown that beautiful women marry men who are often considered "less" attractive then them- not because of jealousy, but because they want a supportive spouse. Even more interesting is that males have a tendency to overlook their own looks and go towards those women who are considered beautiful or above their own beauty level. Yet, time and again, people will say they look for compatibility, intellect, honesty, humour when talking about what makes a person sexy. Studies have said that those aspects are often paired with the physical when we see people interact with others.
Now, I'll be the first to admit, I'm prone to the physical attractive thing-- Christian Bale, David Bowie, Jonas Armstrong, John Barrowman and the like. Though the physical attracts me, it's often in combination with a personality trait- intensity of emotions, similar abilities, intellect and more. What's funny-- I can lust for these males, but the idea of having a relationship with them doesn't necessary equate in my thinking. They're eye candy- great for the dreaming and the writing of stories, but of that above list-- only 2 truly would appeal to me beyond the quick roll in the hay. Why? Because those two appeal to me in similar areas that I'm interested in and personality-wise, I'm attracted to them. And if they were all to step towards me at the same time-- the first one I'd go to is simple- John Barrowman aka Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood. Why? Because he and I have many similar interests, he's gorgeous, and I'd be begging him to sing to me!
One of the things that often hurts in relationships is when sexy isn't perceived the same way in a relationship. For instance, I have a friend who's dating a guy who some would consider above average in looks and is very smart. Anyone who saw my friend would say that she was perhaps average looking and would judge her on her weight issues. Funny thing is, they're great together and though I know he doesn't see her weight in some ways-- he does judge it against her. I've never once heard him call her sexy or say he was attracted to her. But, I hear it out of her mouth often. I know it hurts her that he doesn't see her in that light. And honestly, it hurts me as well. Why? Because we often talk about how those personality and compatibility areas are the first aspects we look for in sexy- but reality is- physicality wins out time and again. We often talk about being accepted for who and what we are in all areas, but very rarely do you meet someone who truly believes and acts accordingly.
Sexy is a very subjective topic, though there are some characteristics in the physicality that seem to be the most common. Some of these characteristics are: waist-to-hip ratio, baby-faced aspects, large eyes, fairly symmetrical faces, and somewhat average style faces.
So, tell me-- what is sexy to you? How do you define it and do you feel you fit the definition that you've given it?
Always,
Mistress Cynnara (continue reading &aquo;)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sex Ed with Mistress Cynnara- Polyamory
This week's topic is one close to my heart and though not strictly sexual, it does deal with sex and emotions.
Mistress Cynnara- Recently, my significant other told me that he was polyamorous and that he wanted me and him to consider adding others to our relationship to make it stronger. I'm not quite sure what it means to be polyamorous. Does this mean that he wants another woman without any strings attached?-- Poly Unsure
Polyamory is defined as the act of loving more than one person. Other definitions cite that it's a relationship between more than two people. Many people think very negatively about polyamory because of the close connotations to polygamy. In the news, we hear so much about the negative aspects, very rarely do you ever hear of it going well. That said, let me recommend a fantastic book that talks indepth about polyamory- Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts by Raven Kaldera. If you're serious about learning about polyamory if you feel that you're hard-wired in such a way-- please, please get this book and really learn more about the lifestyle and all it entails.
This said, I'm hard-wired for both polyamory and monogamy. I'm one of those people who can be happy either way. I think it's somehow linked to my sexual preferences as well. I know many people who are poly-minded and we've talked about what it means to live in a poly relationship that is healthy and unhealthy. I'm going to share some of those items with you here.
Most poly relationships start with one main couple- Male/Female, Male/Male, Female/Female. This is what is called the primary couple. They're happy together and have a loving, caring relationship. That said, perhaps there are aspects where they can't relate to one another or provide the necessary understanding and giving they need in one area or another. So the topic of polyamory is brought up. What happens in this moment is an honest, non-judgmental discussion of needs, desires, and wants. This entails a list of rules to be followed by both people in regards to bringing of another person into the relationship.
Rules are established for a reason- to make both people secure in what's happening and to prevent their relationship from dissolving because of misunderstandings and other problems that do happen when emotions come into play. Some of these rules include that the person they're considering including must meet the other person in the relationship and they must get along and have things in common so it's not just a sexual relationship only. There are also limits on what kind of sex is allowed, if the relationship is sexually charged, what kind of intimate things are/are not acceptable.
These things are important because there's always a period of time in a new relationship that Raven refers to the Shiny New Lover Syndrome and I call "Falling in Love with Love" sensation. It's when you're overcome with everything to do with the new person in your life and you ignore the person you've been with for a long time. This is the most common problem that happens in people who are new to poly or aren't honest to themselves and their partners. They're seeking to fall in love for love's sake, not for any other reason. This is what most of us who have been part of poly relationships caution new ones about- don't forget the lover who was their first- they're truly there for you in the long run. Just as you need reassurance when they bring in a new lover/partner, you need to reassure them of your love and devotion as well.
Secondary relationships- the second partners. Suppose in the relationship each primary partner brings in a partner. These are the secondaries and they're important emotionally bonded to both of the primaries. Though they might not have the full rights as the primaries, they do have rights within a poly relationship. They have the right to talk about problems and introduce solutions as well.
How does this open relationship work in real time? Most poly families have weekly/monthly meetings to talk about how things are going and set up times to spend together-- with both sets- primary and secondary together. In the one poly relationship I was in, We had weekly meetings to talk about problems, schedules, and times for each of us to talk and just have fun. It helped to keep friction to a minimum. Like Kaldera, we used a Talking Stick to help keep things in line without being heated and we encouraged people to write letters to read out loud when there were problems or issues that needed to be calmly discussed.
Problems do and will happen- people feeling left out, or perhaps misunderstandings because of scheduling errors or just feeling that things aren't working out. But the key here is that open, honest communication helps to weed these problems to a minimum. In fact, when it was time for me to leave the poly relationship- I had reached a point in my life, I needed something more-- something I wasn't getting from the person I was involved in or his family, I sat down with them and with my letter explained how I loved them all but that my needs had shifted and though I wanted to be friends with them all, I had to remove myself as the second partner. That even with them, there was something missing that neither were filling for me. Later on in life, I realized it was something that I could only provide, but at that point, I was being honest and not blaming them for what I didn't completely understand. Luckily for me, both of them were fantastic and we still keep in touch even after so many years.
How do you know if you're poly wired? There are questions to ask of yourself. Do you find it hard to keep faithful because you feel there is something more that you need to be fulfilled? Are you wanting something deeper that, even after talking to your partner, it's not coming in through them or through you? If you're only concerned with the sexual aspect, then you're not truly poly-wired, but non-monogamous. Not all poly relationships are based in sex, but also on mutual likes, emotional support and more. I have soul siblings across the globe, but for many people who know me, they hear me refer to my sismines and my brothermines. They are my family, closer to me in some ways than my blood family, but we're a poly family- we're not sexually intertwined, but life wouldn't be the same without each other in our lives.
Polyamory is the concept of many loves- you love your parents differently than your lover, you love your children different than you do your closest friends. The idea here is that you love the people- period. They are part of your family, no boundaries. Yes, in some poly groups, you see people who might have multiple lovers-- but again, it's based with openness- the main "spouses" know where and when and everyone abides by the rules set out by the group.
Not everyone is poly-wired and not everyone is mono-wired. It's a personal declaration and discovery. It can be wonderful if the people are all attracted and open to each other and even if it's not- it's beautiful when it's filled with love and honest communication between all parties.
Until next week- keep dreaming hot, exploring your boundaries and if you have a question- email me at cynnara AT cynnara DOT com.
Always,
Mistress Cynnara (continue reading &aquo;)
Mistress Cynnara- Recently, my significant other told me that he was polyamorous and that he wanted me and him to consider adding others to our relationship to make it stronger. I'm not quite sure what it means to be polyamorous. Does this mean that he wants another woman without any strings attached?-- Poly Unsure
Polyamory is defined as the act of loving more than one person. Other definitions cite that it's a relationship between more than two people. Many people think very negatively about polyamory because of the close connotations to polygamy. In the news, we hear so much about the negative aspects, very rarely do you ever hear of it going well. That said, let me recommend a fantastic book that talks indepth about polyamory- Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts by Raven Kaldera. If you're serious about learning about polyamory if you feel that you're hard-wired in such a way-- please, please get this book and really learn more about the lifestyle and all it entails.
This said, I'm hard-wired for both polyamory and monogamy. I'm one of those people who can be happy either way. I think it's somehow linked to my sexual preferences as well. I know many people who are poly-minded and we've talked about what it means to live in a poly relationship that is healthy and unhealthy. I'm going to share some of those items with you here.
Most poly relationships start with one main couple- Male/Female, Male/Male, Female/Female. This is what is called the primary couple. They're happy together and have a loving, caring relationship. That said, perhaps there are aspects where they can't relate to one another or provide the necessary understanding and giving they need in one area or another. So the topic of polyamory is brought up. What happens in this moment is an honest, non-judgmental discussion of needs, desires, and wants. This entails a list of rules to be followed by both people in regards to bringing of another person into the relationship.
Rules are established for a reason- to make both people secure in what's happening and to prevent their relationship from dissolving because of misunderstandings and other problems that do happen when emotions come into play. Some of these rules include that the person they're considering including must meet the other person in the relationship and they must get along and have things in common so it's not just a sexual relationship only. There are also limits on what kind of sex is allowed, if the relationship is sexually charged, what kind of intimate things are/are not acceptable.
These things are important because there's always a period of time in a new relationship that Raven refers to the Shiny New Lover Syndrome and I call "Falling in Love with Love" sensation. It's when you're overcome with everything to do with the new person in your life and you ignore the person you've been with for a long time. This is the most common problem that happens in people who are new to poly or aren't honest to themselves and their partners. They're seeking to fall in love for love's sake, not for any other reason. This is what most of us who have been part of poly relationships caution new ones about- don't forget the lover who was their first- they're truly there for you in the long run. Just as you need reassurance when they bring in a new lover/partner, you need to reassure them of your love and devotion as well.
Secondary relationships- the second partners. Suppose in the relationship each primary partner brings in a partner. These are the secondaries and they're important emotionally bonded to both of the primaries. Though they might not have the full rights as the primaries, they do have rights within a poly relationship. They have the right to talk about problems and introduce solutions as well.
How does this open relationship work in real time? Most poly families have weekly/monthly meetings to talk about how things are going and set up times to spend together-- with both sets- primary and secondary together. In the one poly relationship I was in, We had weekly meetings to talk about problems, schedules, and times for each of us to talk and just have fun. It helped to keep friction to a minimum. Like Kaldera, we used a Talking Stick to help keep things in line without being heated and we encouraged people to write letters to read out loud when there were problems or issues that needed to be calmly discussed.
Problems do and will happen- people feeling left out, or perhaps misunderstandings because of scheduling errors or just feeling that things aren't working out. But the key here is that open, honest communication helps to weed these problems to a minimum. In fact, when it was time for me to leave the poly relationship- I had reached a point in my life, I needed something more-- something I wasn't getting from the person I was involved in or his family, I sat down with them and with my letter explained how I loved them all but that my needs had shifted and though I wanted to be friends with them all, I had to remove myself as the second partner. That even with them, there was something missing that neither were filling for me. Later on in life, I realized it was something that I could only provide, but at that point, I was being honest and not blaming them for what I didn't completely understand. Luckily for me, both of them were fantastic and we still keep in touch even after so many years.
How do you know if you're poly wired? There are questions to ask of yourself. Do you find it hard to keep faithful because you feel there is something more that you need to be fulfilled? Are you wanting something deeper that, even after talking to your partner, it's not coming in through them or through you? If you're only concerned with the sexual aspect, then you're not truly poly-wired, but non-monogamous. Not all poly relationships are based in sex, but also on mutual likes, emotional support and more. I have soul siblings across the globe, but for many people who know me, they hear me refer to my sismines and my brothermines. They are my family, closer to me in some ways than my blood family, but we're a poly family- we're not sexually intertwined, but life wouldn't be the same without each other in our lives.
Polyamory is the concept of many loves- you love your parents differently than your lover, you love your children different than you do your closest friends. The idea here is that you love the people- period. They are part of your family, no boundaries. Yes, in some poly groups, you see people who might have multiple lovers-- but again, it's based with openness- the main "spouses" know where and when and everyone abides by the rules set out by the group.
Not everyone is poly-wired and not everyone is mono-wired. It's a personal declaration and discovery. It can be wonderful if the people are all attracted and open to each other and even if it's not- it's beautiful when it's filled with love and honest communication between all parties.
Until next week- keep dreaming hot, exploring your boundaries and if you have a question- email me at cynnara AT cynnara DOT com.
Always,
Mistress Cynnara (continue reading &aquo;)
Pagan: Element- Air
Though we can't see this Element, we do see its effect on people, places, and objects. Air-- we can't live without it, and in some ways, it's the closest to Spirit we come. All Elements are dualistic in nature- positive/negative, male/female, but in Air, we find a more distinctly male orientation in this Element.
For many, this Element is one of the mind-- psychic abilities, intelligence, emotion and that of creativity. Air is one we see the results, not necessarily the process it delves into. Because of that, often, it's easier to dismiss this Element as being part of the Spirit-- which it is kin, but not exact.
Just as we did last time, one of the things we need to talk about is the positive and negative effects of this Element. From being able to breathe, to it clearing smog from our path-- Air is a positive thing. It's life encouraging and it encourages creativity in what we can't see with our own eyes. But there's the negative aspect-- writer's block, choking, sandstorms that take away your breath and your skin. Air has some of the most damaging negative aspects because they aren't just physical but also attack the mental and emotional.
So, how do we approach Air in all his glory? For one of my friends, who is aligned to Air as her main Element of power, she has a parent/child relationship. She realizes not just the danger of Air, but also the joy to be had within it. One of the thing she does is regularly spend time with Air in a neutral environment, thus allowing Air to manifest himself in the way he sees fit. Call upon him in a room that has no air current to distract your attention. When he arrives, you'll see a difference in that you might feel a breeze or even perhaps form connections to ideas and thoughts in a way you've never have before.
Lesson to experience Air:
Go outside on a fairly calm day, but where there are fallen leaves, sand on the beach, or even a freshly mowed lawn. The idea is having something outside that you can practice using air to the move the objects in question. Calling upon Air for help, begin focusing your mind on moving the leaves in a forward direction. Visualize the movement, how the wind blows the leaves with a small breeze. Watch for the wind to come help you. Call upon it by name if you know the names of the winds in your area. This lesson will take time and perserverance on your part to achieve it.
Another lesson is to do what's known as automatic writing. Set your circle as you normally do, asking for protection and guidance. Then call upon Air to help you becoming more aware of the creativity of the mind. Using pen and paper, let your mind become blank, then write whatever comes into your mind, allowing Air to guide and direct the thoughts and the writing. By doing this, you'll come into greater connection with Air's creative aspects. (continue reading &aquo;)
For many, this Element is one of the mind-- psychic abilities, intelligence, emotion and that of creativity. Air is one we see the results, not necessarily the process it delves into. Because of that, often, it's easier to dismiss this Element as being part of the Spirit-- which it is kin, but not exact.
Just as we did last time, one of the things we need to talk about is the positive and negative effects of this Element. From being able to breathe, to it clearing smog from our path-- Air is a positive thing. It's life encouraging and it encourages creativity in what we can't see with our own eyes. But there's the negative aspect-- writer's block, choking, sandstorms that take away your breath and your skin. Air has some of the most damaging negative aspects because they aren't just physical but also attack the mental and emotional.
So, how do we approach Air in all his glory? For one of my friends, who is aligned to Air as her main Element of power, she has a parent/child relationship. She realizes not just the danger of Air, but also the joy to be had within it. One of the thing she does is regularly spend time with Air in a neutral environment, thus allowing Air to manifest himself in the way he sees fit. Call upon him in a room that has no air current to distract your attention. When he arrives, you'll see a difference in that you might feel a breeze or even perhaps form connections to ideas and thoughts in a way you've never have before.
Lesson to experience Air:
Go outside on a fairly calm day, but where there are fallen leaves, sand on the beach, or even a freshly mowed lawn. The idea is having something outside that you can practice using air to the move the objects in question. Calling upon Air for help, begin focusing your mind on moving the leaves in a forward direction. Visualize the movement, how the wind blows the leaves with a small breeze. Watch for the wind to come help you. Call upon it by name if you know the names of the winds in your area. This lesson will take time and perserverance on your part to achieve it.
Another lesson is to do what's known as automatic writing. Set your circle as you normally do, asking for protection and guidance. Then call upon Air to help you becoming more aware of the creativity of the mind. Using pen and paper, let your mind become blank, then write whatever comes into your mind, allowing Air to guide and direct the thoughts and the writing. By doing this, you'll come into greater connection with Air's creative aspects. (continue reading &aquo;)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
History-- Ancient Temple for Sale
http://www.novinite.com/view_news.php?id=97978
If I had the money-- I'd so get it. Cybele is historically very important. More importantly, I'd want to reconstruct the temple and perhaps even bring back a chance to worship Cybele in it. Can you imagine the history you can learn from it?
(continue reading &aquo;)
If I had the money-- I'd so get it. Cybele is historically very important. More importantly, I'd want to reconstruct the temple and perhaps even bring back a chance to worship Cybele in it. Can you imagine the history you can learn from it?
(continue reading &aquo;)
Friday, October 24, 2008
Flash Fiction- Rousing Shakespeare
I'm a fan of Shakespeare. I have been since I was a young kid and saw Romeo and Juliet. There's something about Iambic Pentameter mixed with all the plot points that make you see yourself in a story. Shakespeare was a genius and one of my favourite scenes is that of the three witches in MacBeth, though I admit-- I have a different idea on how it could've gone. That said-- today's flash is something that hit my mind. It's a shit-and-giggles scene, so nobody get any ideas!!!
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